Let’s be honest, we’ve all been there. That moment when words escape your mouth before your brain has a chance to engage. For me, it happened recently with one of my daughters. She was recounting a conversation with a friend.  When she told me something she said, I blurted out, “That wasn’t smart.” Ugh. 

The irony? I teach people how not to do this. I even use a handy acronym for it (from my first grade teaching days): THINK (Is it True? Helpful? Inspiring? Necessary? Kind?). And in that moment, I failed spectacularly. I was not true, helpful, inspiring, necessary or kind. In fact, all I managed to do was make my daughter feel judged.

The truth is, sometimes my mouth operates independently of my brain. It’s like there’s a tiny volcano of unhelpful internal messages bubbling up from childhood, ready to erupt at any moment. In this case, the “volcano” basically screamed, “That was stupid!!” Which, surprise, surprise, wasn’t exactly helpful.

So, what could I have done differently? Well, for starters, I could have kept my trap shut. Or, if I absolutely had to say something, I could have offered a gentler perspective: “That’s probably better unsaid for the health of their living relationship.” See? Much better. The point is, before we unleash our inner critic, we need to THINK. Is what we’re about to say true? Is it helpful? Is it inspiring? Is it necessary? And, most importantly, is it kind? Bonus points: Ask yourself what kind of attitude you want to bring to the situation. Do you want to be the voice of judgment, or the voice of support? Next time I’ll try to be supportive.

Ultimately, it’s about being more mindful of our words and choosing to connect rather than criticize. Because, let’s face it, we could all use a little more kindness in this world. Now, I challenge you to THINK before you speak today. What small change can you make to improve how you communicate with others? Share your insights in the comments below!